The Mail !!

🙂

This emoticon was the only reply i could send back to her email which said, ‘cant think what to say’. This was not the first time when we have reached a point where such words were shot on each other. those days we tend to forgive and forget. ‘okay, lets talk something else’ or ‘why not we talk about our last year trip’ were responses as normal as getting those single lined emails.

Last few moths were quite bumpy. though we have seen worse. our patience have been dropped with age. when she got married, it was only once i had showed a sign of depression. never again. and this was way back. she has been married for more than two years now. we both gave more value to our relation rather than dragging morals of the society.

Loyalty was never in question. she was completely a wife of a charming husband, who was better than me in all aspects. our relation was caged. calls had dropped from daily to random. talks had reduced from hours to minutes. but we both maintained a regularity in that too.

Then a time came when those small talks turned to emails. sharing was almost drowned. but we still tried to maintain emails. me being in a different time zone, replies will be irrespective of the other’s message. my ‘when are you leaving to home?’ will next day get a reply of ‘Good Morning’ and my ‘good morning’ would get a response of ‘you must be sleeping now’ something which was making communication way to uncomfortable.

and then those responses started taking more more and time. i used to wait for hours for her to come office and reply to my previous days email. it would come only after it was almost sure that i must have slept. a part of always said that its not deliberate. other part had started telling me that i was taken for granted.

once or twice i tried confronting her about my frustration. but how far can one go with a girl who is already married. she had said, ‘you will never understand me’. may be she is true, i do not. But i also do not want to be just a ‘good morning’ mail.

when i went back on vacation, i called her, just to inform that there is no more restriction of time zone. ‘would give you a call tomorrow’ she had said at the end of it. after ages, i was going to see her number flash on my phone. it never happened though. i emailed her, ‘you were supposed to call today’

‘I thought you would be busy. ok, will give you a call, but there is a small problem, i did not save your number’ was the reply i had received. It was no big deal i guess. that’s a different case that i even have her mom’s number from which she had called me only once. but that was ok.

‘no problem’ i wrote and pressed the send button. i don’t know what else to reply. i was, i guess heartbroken. but i didn’t feel any pain. it was just suddenly i felt a feeling of disconnect. there was an immediate reply ‘what was that?’ but now i was in no position to click. with a shut sound laptop went to sleep mode.

a mail pooped up today, ‘wishing a happy holi to me and my family’ and i replied wishing her the same.

‘I think you don’t wanna talk to me?’

‘It will never happen’ it was truth. i always wanted to talk to her. i always wanted us to share. i always wanted that we be friends our whole life. but it was not the same anymore. she didn’t knew anything which was happening in my life and she never cared to know. she never shared her life, even after asking. disconnect it was. we were reduced from knowing everything about each other to just a ‘good morning mail’

and then ‘cant think what to say’ mail appeared. I smiled back for good.