Background: To understand the real issue here, one should know how we or rather I arrived at this juncture. Myself. A boy from a village in UP, studied in a Hindi medium school till his twelfth standard, moved to city of dreams, Mumbai, for graduation. In the process, my father being owner of a small shop and mother being a housewife, have suffered a lot to fulfill my basic needs. in fact i was fortunate enough get whatever i demanded or craved for, though my demands were always minimum to the core but that’s not the point.
Then time changed. Now I am a consultant working in US and living a different life altogether. In the process, made friends from all parts of India and now making friends abroad. But one thing that never changed was my affection to my parents. With time they have also become little modern in terms of new big house, flat TV, smartphones but my father still opens his shop regularly and my mother still does her household tasks. we talk daily and it seems like nothing has changed.
Present: There are always some logical steps we as a social animals have to take in life. School, College, Job, own house, onsite. I had already crossed all these steps. Next logical step was marriage. i was 28 and my parents were already worried that it was too late. One thing was clear. I was destined to have an arranged marriage. Though till last year i was in a 5 years of courtship with a wonderful girl. But then she loved her parents exactly the same way i loved mine. And who would be a better person than me to understand this. she is happily married to someone her parents loved. you see were the problem lies.
While i visited India for Diwali. Was showered with photographs of girls. some came directly from their parents and some were courtesy of my relatives. My mother was happy to the core and i loved it. As i had to travel back in few weeks, a process of meeting those girls started. i hated it. truly speaking i was no more a guy who could marry someone without knowing her. for god sake i was dating a girl for 5 long years and still was not sure of marrying her. And here i was, sitting and talking about america and my salary and my future plans to some stranger i was meeting first time. I looked at my parents they were so happy in the process at that time it was all that mattered.
Out of three girls i met, by the way all were non-working, two were eliminated immediately, one because she was taller than me and other because she was heavier than me. fault is mine. i am not so tall and practically with no fat at all. Then there was this girl, horrified like hell, not able to speak, not able to see up, one like me, parents asked so she was there sitting among us. My mother was so moved by her nervousness that when her father threw the question ‘so did you like her?’ instant answer she gave was ‘yes’. my father was no different. Yes, i was also asked after that, in front of everyone, i didnt know what to do then. My parents had already said yes. my saying ‘No’ or even ‘i dont know’ would have been considered going against my parents. i knew they would not think that way. but others? i know such decisions cannot be taken on what others think and yes i hesitated. thankfully someone said if you want, you can talk to your mother alone before giving an answer. It looked weird but at least an opportunity.
‘what happened over there?’ I asked, she already knew what she had just done. ‘i liked her so much that it came out instantly’ was her answer. my father copied the same answer. then they realized that they have to ask me as well. so like a shameless person, after saying ‘yes’ to her, we said ‘we will let you know’ way to home, whole journey, they all discussed about her fear, her nervousness, her innocence, her simplicity. they all liked her. just by seeing a scared girl sitting in the next corner of the room.
I came back to US. I told few of my friends about this and they all laughed at me. ‘did she say ‘hi’, ‘namstey’ or directly ‘touched your feet?’ i was stumped already. now our everyday call were about her. my parents wanted an answer for her. and after every call i thought why didn’t that happily married girl showed some courage or why didn’t i gave her enough confidence to show that courage to defy her parents. i guess the same reason. i know how much my parents have struggled to make me what i am today. i cannot defy them, neither could she.
‘Okay’ i had said. My mother is too worried about not forcing her decision on me so several times she would have said, ‘we will not proceed unless you want it’ every time i heard this i wanted to say ‘maa look at me’ but couldn’t. They were happy. Am I being selfish here? They answered all my questions, ‘look at so and so person, they became modern, she will become, she will learn, she will learn english, she will learn computers, she will learn operating phone, she will learn internet, she will learn to watch movies, she will know the songs, she will learn to talk, she will learn learn and learn.
She is an excellent cook. she takes care of whole house. she knows to stitch. she will listen to you. she will never complain. she wont spend all your fortune on designer sandals not even on designer cloths. Isn’t it all everyone wants for marriage? a servant. But believe me, whole middle class society wants exactly the same. My parents were happy that their son was getting a wife who would beat a servant and wont even ask for a pay.
It has been more than a year i said ‘yes’ to them. They have been waiting patiently for my return to India. Meanwhile I can count the number of times i would have talked to her. reasons? she doesn’t have a phone. In age of people chatting on Skype, hangouts and Face-chat. My would be wife doesn’t even know how to operate a smartphone. I try not to let anyone know about her, they ask her picture and only thing i have is a picture taken of a hard copy which her father bought to our home. I dont know what to tell them. In the process i have started lying about her, almost everything. like ‘yes, she is working’ ‘yes, she keeps busy and you can talk to her some other time’ ‘No, she keeps telling me to cut my hair’ ‘yeah she liked the new movie released’ none of the lies is required but just to avoid those large popping eyes, and those laughing expressions.
There are other reasons, like we dont have anything to talk about. all we talk is about the weather, food and how is your father, how is your mother and how is your brother and his wife and his kid and what his kid does when he is in kitchen. and yeah, ‘how am I?’ and how is work? ‘ok, mom is waiting for me in kitchen.’ and that is all. One and a half year and this is what we have talked.
‘Get married, you will have things to talk’ i get this when i try to tell them its not gonna work. I love talking about issues in society, politics, cricket matches, movie reviews, old hollywood movies, new Lorde songs. I maintain two blogs, a twitter handle and a busy facebook account. I write articles, short stories and have a self published book on my name and this is what i talk about. and this is what makes me happy. my family doesnt understand it. they still see me as a village boy earning dollars in US who needs a wife. or i should say they need a daughter in law who fulfills all their requirements. I am not complaining. i cant, i love them, more then anything else. but it hurts me when they are not able to see me and i cant share this with anyone.
Now that I am going to be married soon. I am loosing it. I know I will not hurt her in anyway. she will be my responsibility and i am not a guy who runs away. Only thing is I am not able to hide it. it comes out in one or the other way. then it upsets my mother ‘thats why we asked you and then went ahead’ she would say. ‘tell your friends that you are marrying because of your parents pressure’ all these sentences from her is making it worse.
I guess this article is result of my silence. i have stopped talking about it. and just waiting for the day to arrive. For all you guys and girls who love their parents. They are the one who made you what you are today. They deserve it.
Ghost ellipsis ... 